She texted me this morning, telling me that Kali decided she doesn't love her anymore. Sansha was distraught and feeling broken. I felt helpless to do anything, so I offered to talk to her on the phone.
The first and last time I'd talked to Sansha on the phone before today was on my birthday in 2008. I remember being so excited to hear her voice. That was what I had wanted for my birthday present from her. Just to hear her voice.
Today was not like that. The same beautiful voice I'd known was now struggling and shattered. Though thousands of miles away, I could feel her pain radiating through the phone. All I wished I could do was hold her in my arms as she cried...
I hate Kali for what she did to Sansha. A pathetic excuse of a girlfriend. I used to think we shared similarities, and now I'm ashamed to be anything like her.
Sansha deserves better...
But I don't know if that better person is me...
I ruin what I touch. I'm naive. What do I really expect to happen? Of course I still love Sansha. I never stopped. What good does that do me? How far has it gotten me up until now?
I'd be stupid to try to do anything about my feelings. I will not become Kali. I will not ruin our friendship just because of my pathetic feelings.
I'll never be with Sansha... She deserves better than me too...
All I can do is kill and bury my feelings and let our friendship flourish.
My feelings... must die...