i hada dream with you in it last night but it wasnt a very happy one. i was on vacation (in florida still) and the chosen was there and so were you, and you got along with him pretty well for a while until you said something that made it pretty obvoius that you like me, and i tried to make it sound like it wasnt that way, so that made you mad at me, and the chosen was mad at me cuz he could still tell, so you sulked off and i felt horrible for the rest of the day. that night there was a contest to see who was the best kisser and i won (i dont think there were other contestants and im not sure what that had to do with everything but whatever) so the next day you were leaving and i didnt want you to be mad at me when you left so i told you i wanted to talk and you said we would go swimming at this one place about a mile away. i asked why cuz the hotel we all were staying at had a great pool, and you whispered to me "in case you want to pounce on me, the chosen cant catch us" so i was like okay ill go get my stuff. so i went back to my room and was changing into my swimsuit and you walked in on me lol. (*shame shame* ^_^) and you were really embarrassed and i got a little mad at you for it ^_^ and thats all i remember lol
hey i have to write this in 5 minutes
so i had a dream last night and it was weird there was like you, me, and the chosen, and we were all going swimming, except it was like it wasnt really us, it felt like we were in a video game and the real "us" were controlling ourselves. and you had marth's powers from ssbm and the chosen had someones i dont remember, and i had roy's, and you were running around trying to hit the chosen and i was just going around in circles trying to hit anything, but i was moving really slow for some reason so i couldnt catch up to either of you, then i dont remember what really happened but then the chosen had left for some reason and i pounced on you and *i think* kissed you, i dont remember, but it was weird and why do all my dreams have to do with ssbm when youre in them lol you better not tell me to update my blogdrive when you havent since august 24th lol especially since youre the one who wanted to start it in the first place :P
but yea, about the whole homecoming thing, i want you to go if you really want to, i dont want you to not go just because of me. i know i cant be there to do something else with you like i would if i was there, and so theres really no reason for you to miss homecoming if you want to go. and tonight since i didnt go to the football game i was hoping to talk to you but you were playing halo the entire time... now dont feel bad cuz i know youre the captain and stuff and really i dont mind you playing, id just appreciate it if you would decide to talk to me or not, cuz i stop music and stuff i like to listen to cuz you wanna talk to me, then i get maybe a sentence or two every five to ten minutes, sometimes more. and really, even though i like hearing your voice, id rather just have you leave than have you talk about/to other people in halo, cuz it makes me wish i was there even more when i cant be....... so, i dont mind if you play halo, just decide to talk to me or not please... yea, i pretty much always go on the computer in the morning from 6 45-7 15, then 7 30-7 50 if i have enough time, this morning i was trying to get some sleep cuz i havent slept much at all the past 2 nights (and no, dont go blaming it on yourself, its mainly cuz of something else), but yea, sorry i missed you this morning, i have something to give you
*hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* sixteen hugs for you. yay might as well give you one long one though lol *pounce* happy birthday love "Perfect"
Hey dad look at me Think back and talk to me Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you I can't pretend that I'm alright And you can't change me 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect I try not to think About the pain I feel inside Did you know you used to be my hero? All the days you spent with me Now seem so far away And it feels like you don't care anymore And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you I can't stand another fight And nothing's alright 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect Nothing's gonna change the things that you said Nothing's gonna make this right again Please don't turn your back I can't believe it's hard Just to talk to you But you don't understand 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect --------------------------------------- you know... back when i actually thought about things like this... i thought about what i would leave if i were to kill myself... and what i would have done is left that song for my parents to listen to... but i never figured out how i wouldve tried to explain it to my friends... thats really one of the big reasons... well, the reason... i never did i dont know how much time im gonna have to write before i have to leave for school, but i want to say im sorry... cuz every time you talk to me you want me to talk back but i dont because of my parents... i really would like to but basically my goal until i can get out of here is to have as little conflict with my parents as possible. i dont want to have to explain who im talking to all the time, because it isnt just a "you only have to explain it once" sort of thing... im sorry because i can hear your disappointment when i say i wont talk... but im going to try leaving you a voice message this weekend that maybe will help make up for it...
im going to mish you a lot this weekend but i guess i can just keep reminding myself that it wont be forever (unless something happens to you while youre there, God forbid, lets hope that doesnt happen, i need you too much, but then again theres always heaven anyway but i have a hard enough time waiting a few years) you better come back or else lol the song "perfect" by simple plan pretty much always makes me cry. i think ill put it on my music list here so maybe you can see why... even christina said it pretty much describes me perfectly when she doesnt even know about everything thats happened with my parents and i. this song is probably even closer to describing me than that "welcome to my life" song
but... i promised i wouldnt cry while youre gone so maybe i shouldnt listen to this song anymore today |
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