Avengers.
Breaking Dawn.
So many movies...
And he slacked off so much more than I did.
He sat right next to me.
I was the one who had to work to keep him on track half the time...
I can feel my emotional state plummeting.
I'm such a failure...
Looked up Cody's IMDB page.
Avengers. Breaking Dawn. So many movies... And he slacked off so much more than I did. He sat right next to me. I was the one who had to work to keep him on track half the time... I can feel my emotional state plummeting. I'm such a failure...
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There's never enough money.
Never enough. My funds are limited. It has been a long time since my savings were increasing instead of decreasing. My pitiful job is barely enough to cover the cost of gas to drive there, and probably not even worth the amount of stress it causes me. I'll also be out of a job again in a month. I won't even have that. My only job is my art, which isn't enough to let me afford anything. Food, gas, cell phone, car repairs, clothing, doctor's visits, medication, speeding tickets, martial arts, therapy, forum funding... Let alone any funds left over for recreational use. Everything costs money. I watch it slowly erode away. And I don't know what else to do about it. By the time I am able to move away from home I don't even know if I'll have anything left to leave with. I spent my whole life saving money so that I would be able to afford to move out. And now I can't. I couldn't before, and it's unlikely things will change soon... I voted today for the first time.
It was quick, there wasn't much of a line where I went. I felt weird being there, and I don't really feel proud of myself or anything. I just hope to god Romney doesn't win. I may hate politics, but gay marriage and women's rights are important to me, and he is a major threat to both. Today we talked more about my life in Ohio. About how my cousins were a big part of my life, and how Nick and I drifted apart. We also talked about how I was suicidal around the time I moved. How Kevin and I met. A bit about how my sister and I drifted apart. How I've always been closer to my mom's side of the family than my dad's.
Andrea seems to think that I'm mostly "over" the loss I felt from the move, but I feel like I've only barely started talking about how large of a loss it was for me. I guess today I didn't feel much like getting into it because I was feeling happy-ish and didn't want to get upset. But I dunno. I'd like to talk about it more next time. She pointed out that I probably have some nostalgia for the days back then, and I guess that's true... I know I have some happy memories from back then, but more often it just hurts to think about the past because it reminds me how far I've drifted apart from Nick and the rest of my family. That Nick and I were destined to drift apart anyway as time went on, and that that's just how things go. She pointed out how lucky I was to have such a close friendship with him when I was young... How that will always be a part of me, because it was my foundation for how I continued to live my life. But I dunno... Why does it make me so sad then... I started my job at Toys R Us today.
Was just a couple hours to fill out paperwork and watch some boring training videos. The people there seem nice though, and it will be nice to earn some of the money back that I've lost over the past year. |
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