Maybe the kitten is alone in the rain, the last in a box of "free kittens". Days pass and the kitten is alone and abandoned. The kitten starts to act aggressive due to poor treatment, but a puppy comes along. The kitten is unsure to trust the puppy at first, but the puppy wins the kitten's heart, and they become best friends.
I'd really like to make an animated short someday about a puppy and kitten that symbolizes my relationship with Kevin.
Maybe the kitten is alone in the rain, the last in a box of "free kittens". Days pass and the kitten is alone and abandoned. The kitten starts to act aggressive due to poor treatment, but a puppy comes along. The kitten is unsure to trust the puppy at first, but the puppy wins the kitten's heart, and they become best friends.
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Just having kind of a shitty morning and I have no one to vent to right now...
Joy woke me up around 9 this morning. I heard a loud rustling noise, I startled awake, to find that she had jumped up on my desk and had half of her body stuck through my closed window blinds, trying to look at something outside... I told her to get down but she wouldn't listen, and I was afraid if she tried to get out of the blinds she'd get trapped in them and tear them down on top of her... So I jumped out of bed, untangled her from the blinds, put her on the ground and told her "no"... Tried to go back to sleep because I was really tired, but I was worried she was going to get right back up on the desk again, so every time she made a noise it startled me awake again... And she wouldn't just lay down and sleep with me like she usually does in the mornings... She kept walking and running around the room, meowing nonstop, pulling at the fur on her toes, jumping around my bed and pouncing on my feet, climbing on the pillows over my head, and pawing at the door... By the time she finally calmed down enough so that I could go back to sleep, my mom knocks on my bedroom door of course... She tries to tell me something but my door is closed and I have my AC on in the room, so of course I can't hear her... Turn my AC off, have to ask her to repeat herself, she yells at me that I need to get my laundry out of the dryer... So I give up on sleep, get up, grab my laundry... Joy is still walking around the house meowing... Mom left the back door open, so I had to close that since Joy was around... There are a ton of dishes out in the kitchen, so I feel a wave of anxiety over that because my mom was bothering me about the dishes yesterday and I'm sure she'll do it again today... Wanted to have my leftover chinese food for lunch, but of course I had to share my chicken with dad last night, and even though there were leftovers, dad apparently decided he wanted them, so my parents both got leftovers but I didn't... Joy is STILL fucking walking around meowing her head off and spazzing out... And Kevin isn't going to be around until later today because he's busy... I'm just feeling really pissed off, not feeling good, and I really just want for something good to happen right now... If you don't give much thought to romance...
What does love even mean to you? What do I want out of my ideal relationship/partner?
- Collaboration: I want to share our ideas openly, understand each other's wants and thoughts and ideas, and make decisions through agreement and compromise. - Respect and appreciation: For my partner to be able to recognize my strengths and recognize my personal value. - Support and encouragement: To help me meet my goals, pick me up when I'm down. To be there for me when I'm weak or failing, and remind me of my strengths. - To be wanted: I can be a sensual and sexual person, and I want to feel like my partner can't get enough of me. After a lifetime of feeling like no one else has wanted me, it feels so good when you show that you want me, that I turn you on, or that you want me more than anyone else. - For you to know me: I want you to know everything about who I am. I want you to always want to know more about me. To notice my personal idiosyncrasies. To know my habits. To know what I like and dislike. To know, in general, what I want. To know what makes me happy and what makes me sad. To be able to tell when I'm happy and when I'm sad. To know how to communicate with me and to know why I act the way I do. - Trust and honesty: I need to trust you, and you need to trust me. I highly value the ability to be open and honest with feelings, secrets, thoughts, and desires. Lies will poison a relationship. - Positive thinking: Make our time together fun. See the good side of things. Point out how I succeed instead of making jokes about how I fail. Don't make a big deal out of small things. Trust that we can find a solution to any problems, and help me look for those solutions. Don't hold grudges. If it's in the past, leave it in the past. - Budget conscious: I want a partner who knows how to save money for emergencies or higher-priority things. I don't like to buy a ton of stuff that will sit around unused and clutter a house. I want someone who can think of our combined income as "our" money instead of "my" money or "your" money. Bills and necessities come first; saving comes second; leftover spending money is shared between us fairly. - Romance: I want someone who never stops trying to make me swoon. Small reminders and gestures to show you're thinking about me mean the world to me. I like to be swept off my feet. - Common interests: We don't need to share all of our hobbies or interests, but I want to have some things we enjoy doing together. - Adventure: I want to see the world, try new things, and meet new people. I want to be open minded and free to explore and learn, and I want my partner to be right there exploring and learning with me. I want to do and see new things together. - Animals: I love animals, and they will probably always be part of my life. I don't think I could ever live with someone who hates animals - especially cats. If you love my animal(s) in the same way I love them, I will love you so much more because of it. - Selflessness: Love me even when it isn't convenient for you. Make time for me. Put effort into our relationship and work to solve problems. Take my feelings into consideration. If I'm struggling with something, do what you can to help lighten my load. Try to make me smile or laugh. Go out of your way to do something for me without expecting anything in return. If you let me down in some way, own up to it and give something positive back to me. - Common long-term/life goals: We need to be able to agree on where we would like to end up living. I need a partner who is okay with not having kids. I have goals that I want to meet during my life, and I need a partner who will help make sure I meet those goals instead of getting in the way of them. I want to be married to my partner once I have chosen them as my mate for life. I may need to move around a few times during my life, and my partner will need to be okay with that possibility. Kevin and I went on our first official vacation together, alone. We've been planning it for weeks, and we were finally able to go on Thursday since he's on summer break.
We made our plans to go to Jupiter for two nights/three days. Found a hotel to stay at and some cheap things to do in the area. We didn't have a lot of money to spend, but the trip was affordable. We left early Thursday afternoon and headed south. We listened to music and talked a bit on the way. I always find it easiest to talk to Kevin while we're in the car for some reason. I'm not sure why, but he seems more responsive then. We stopped for lunch at Subway and shortly afterward arrived at the Busch Wildlife Center. There were several animal exhibits to be seen there, and I got to touch a baby gator and a possum. After leaving the Wildlife Center we headed over to our hotel to check in. I was a little nervous since I'd never gotten a hotel before, but it was easy enough to figure out. Kevin and I went up to our room - it was roomy and had one king sized bed. I don't remember ever having slept in a king sized bed before, but the thing was huge. I felt like we could comfortably fit four people in there. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes after trying out the bed. Before it got dark, Kevin and I headed over to the Goodwill store because Kevin wanted to check it out. It was a big store, but I wasn't that impressed with it. He found a couple records he wanted. We then went to Publix to pick up some food for dinner and went back to the room. We spent the rest of the evening hanging out together, mostly watching TV. We ate dinner, showered, and got ready for bed. We curled up together and read a chapter of 50 Shades before being intimate and then going to sleep. On Friday we woke up early to get some breakfast from the hotel lobby. I had a cinnamon roll that tasted pretty delicious after being microwaved. We weren't planning to leave for anywhere until 10, so we went back to the room for an hour or two. Kevin watched TV while I fell back asleep curled up against him. We eventually left to go to the Jupiter lighthouse. Kevin was worried because it looked stormy outside and rained off and on all day, but it didn't end up interfering with our plans. We followed our tour guide up the (very narrow) lighthouse. After hanging out up there for a bit we came back down, continued our tour with a different guide, and went back to do a quick look through the museum. It was a small place, not a ton of stuff to see, and it was raining hard by the time we left. We stopped for lunch at Taco Bell and had some confusion over "cheesy nachos" vs. "nachos and cheese." Taco Bell's menu is ridiculous. After the lighthouse we went over to the Blowing Rocks Preserve - the place I was most looking forward to seeing. It was supposed to have a beautiful rocky shoreline with cliffs and crashing waves, and caves and tidal pools during low tide. What we ended up seeing was not quite as fantastic... Most of the shore was buried in sand. There was only a small strip of rocks left unburied, and Kevin and I had to walk about a mile to reach the best ones. It was still a pretty awesome shore though. I loved the rocks, and I really want to go see the place again in all its glory if the sand ever erodes away. It was really relaxing to walk and sit by the water as it crashed against the rocks. And the shore was made up of all sorts of fascinating cliffs, crevices, and caves. The walk back to the car was pretty grueling though; my calves are sore from walking in the sand and I got sunburn on my neck. Still, I liked going to that place. Kevin and I were both exhausted, so we went straight back to the hotel, showered, and stayed in bed the rest of the evening. We ended up watching the first Lord of the Rings movie on TV. Later, we read another chapter of 50 Shades, and again were intimate before finally falling asleep. By the time Saturday morning came around, I had a hard time waking up for breakfast. I'd been driving and walking around so much that I could have easily just stayed in bed all day and been happy, but we needed to get going. We got up, ate breakfast in the lobby again, packed up, and checked out. Before heading home, we stopped at the River Center. I had planned to go there Thursday but we didn't get around to it, so we took a quick walk through it today. It was a small but interesting place. They had a few aquarium tanks with fish. The most interesting one was an interactive exhibit where you could switch between "high tide" and "low tide" on a fish tank (with fish!) and see how the fish reacted. That was pretty cool. After the River Center we went over to the Loggerhead Marine Center, where they rescue sea turtles and nurse them back to health. I haven't seen a lot of sea turtles, so it was fun to see them up close. It didn't take very long to finish seeing what we wanted to see, so after stopping for lunch at Wendy's, we made the final drive home. I listened to music and Kevin read a book for most of the way. I was sad to have to drop him off. I felt so relaxed and content being away with him, with no one else to bother us. It was a fun vacation and worth spending the money. I know I'm going to miss him when I go to sleep tonight. I always do... Today it started to rain while I was in the back yard. Kevin was staying with me for the weekend. The sky darkened, thunder rumbled, and the rain began to pour. I stood outside soaking the rain in for a few seconds, and then an idea struck me.
I pulled Kevin out from the covered porch and out into the rain and kissed him. We were getting soaked, but in the eight years I've been with him we've never really kissed in the rain before. Today we did. He seemed to understand what I was doing and kissed me back. Then complained about getting wet and wanted to go back inside. Not really the best ending to a romantic moment, but I guess I'll take what I can get. I don't know how many times I can tell you that I need you to romance me. To sweep me off my feet. I need to you to show me what I mean to you. I need you to step outside your comfort zone. My happiness needs to be important to you. I feel very conflicted. I've learned a lot, going through therapy. I know that part of this is my problem. I should not be insecure. My world should not revolve around you. My happiness is not your responsibility. I should not be jealous, and I should not need you to survive. I deserve to be happy, and I deserve to have someone who will meet my needs. At the same time, that doesn't mean you're off the hook. I need passion. I need time. I need physical touch. I need to know that I'm important to you. I want to know what I mean to you. I want to know why you love me. You never tell me why. Nevermind. Instead of feeling angsty and doubtful, I just asked him for reassurance about why he loves me. I wish he would tell me without asking, but it makes me feel better anyhow. i love you because you're beautiful, and you're a nerd, and we have things we love to do together, you're honest and sincere, and you like cats |
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