Why did you ever have to do this to me?
I hate you. I hate what you did. I don't care if I know I should forgive you, I can't. You betrayed me and then threw my pieces into an incinerator, never to be recovered.
I thought I was happy. I thought I could be happy. But I can't be. All because of you. I'm nothing more than a twisted heap of scrap metal. I can't make him happy, I can't make myself happy, all I ever do is hurt everyone. I hate pretending like everything is okay. I want to give in and cry until I puke my stomach out. I want it over with. I want to stop this pain I always feel. I hate it. Like you.
I wish we could at least be honest with each other. Oh how I'd love to rub what you've done to me in your face. But no, I can't, because I'm too nice because of you, too.
What good am I if I can't even help others I care about because I'm in so much pain?
I want my own fricken problems solved. I want to be with the man I love. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I want him to be able to understand me.
Damn you.
He doesn't understand anything. I would never wish my pain on him just so he would know how I feel, but I wish I didn't have to hurt him by saying he doesn't understand. There's just no way he could. My brain hurts. My arm hurts. My everything hurts.
I JUST WANT IT TO STOP.
I want to cut so badly...
But I can't. Because he doesn't want me to.
But he doesn't understand how hard it is, either.
But I've already hurt him enough.
But if it would stop this pain...
But it doesn't. I'm stuck with this fricken disease in my head, infecting everyone around me.
I will never be happy again.
Thanks. Really. For everything.