I feel like my sex drive has up and disappeared. Completely.
I don't understand it... How could I turn a complete 180? I used to lust after Kevin like crazy. I would satisfy myself every day. Going a week without it would be torture, and now I feel like I don't even care.
What changed? Why can't I feel the way I used to?
I feel like it's been settling in ever since Kevin and I had sex... But I feel like that isn't necessarily the problem. The sex has been great, I've really enjoyed it, and it made me feel so much closer to Kevin emotionally... There was nothing wrong with it at all. Why would that make me want sex less then..?
I wonder if it's because.. now that we've had sex, that anticipation is no longer there... Perhaps that feeling is how I used to be sexually motivated? Knowing that there was something I held back that made Kevin crave me...
Maybe I spent too much time imagining what it would be like, and now that I've actually had sex, my imagination doesn't do as much for me anymore?
I guess maybe this is how Kevin felt the first time he went down on me... He seemed really into the idea of it, really eager to do it, but when it came to actually doing it, he was a bit put off at first...
Or maybe I'm feeling put off because I need Kevin to show some more "aggression" toward me? He's been pretty passive for the most part, and I do get kind of tired of initiating things most of the time...
Or maybe I'm just feeling put off by the fact that I have a harder time "feeling" sex than I thought I would... It feels good, sure, but mostly when he first enters me, and after I adjust to it, I can barely feel it inside... Which might have something to do with the condom? Would it feel better without? It always felt a hell of a lot better when he used his hand on me than it did with a latex glove. I could feel the subtle textures on his fingers...
Or is it because sex still kind of hurts? Do I have a hard time getting past the pain so much that it turns me off?
But if it's just the sex I'm feeling weird about, why does that make me also feel uninterested in other activities? Why is it so much more difficult for me to cum even when I'm touching myself? Why does it feel like just... everything has evaporated?
Is it just the stress I've had lately coming from my art commissions and my animation project and therapy and everything? If I finish all of that and have a chance to relax, will I feel better? What if I don't?
Will taking some time off from sexual activities in general make me start missing it? Do Kevin and I just need to go back to simpler things and take a break from having sex?
Or am I just going crazy about all of this because it's my "time of the month"?
I don't know...
I just wish I could figure out WHY I feel this way...