finding out the reason i can be happy is a complete lie...
i've felt for so long that i can at least use my pain to help others out of theirs...
but what i feel i've been through... isnt always the same as others'...
i can't even live to make others happy.
god, if he ever leaves me...
i'll die.
i swear.
i can't take life all the time like this... he's all i live for. he's the only reason i fight this unnatural urge to slice up my arms. i couldn't do it if it weren't for him...
i dont know if i could ever tell him that. or should.
it just hurts...
everything hurts... all. the. freakin. time.
i wish cutting really did what it was supposed to. maybe i wouldnt have to feel so guilty then.
i mean, anyone would want to relieve pain like this, right?
*sigh*
no.
i'm lying to myself again... making excuses.
i seem to do too much of that...