- Upset about a lot of things: gerbil's death, mom has been yelling at me and threatening charging rent/kicking me out, worries about pregnancy
- Not been sleeping well, migraines, feeling sick
- Whether or not the supplements are helping
- Make an appointment with GYN
- Look into unemployment benefits
I was really unhappy with how today's session went. My appointment was at 11, but she went over with her previous session, so she was 7 minutes late seeing me. It's not uncommon for her to be a couple minutes late usually, but it made me a little uncomfortable.
I was crying too much at first to talk about the problems I've been dealing with lately... By the time I could speak, I mentioned what happened with my mom yelling at me last week as I was trying to bury my gerbil. When I finished, Andrea started telling me (in a nice way) that she basically thinks I'm way more upset about it than I ought to be, and that I should consider "getting over my bias" and taking medication.
She didn't ask, so I replied by saying "Well that's not all I'm upset about..." because it wasn't. If it was just my gerbil and just my mom yelling at me, I could handle it. But apparently she forget that last week I told her about being worried that I'm pregnant, and so I had to remind her that that was also still a big thing on my mind. She still thought I should go on medication.
By the time we finished talking about that, time was pretty much up... I didn't even have time to go into the stuff about how I've also been dealing with the fact that my friends were kind of dicks to me recently.
I also didn't have the time to tell her how I've been feeling a little better the past couple days, and how much I think the martial arts will affect me in a good way. Being out on the studio floor turned me into the kind of person I was before living at home, almost immediately. I felt more confident, open, sociable, and independent. I was proud of myself for going through with the classes, it was something that I did on my own, and it will bring something new and exciting into my life. Even just taking the one introductory class took a load of my stress away for a full day afterward. And it could be even better if I'm able to train at home, so that I'm not just limited to the two days a week that I have classes.
I couldn't convey all of these feelings to her in the piddly one-hour session I was forced to work with. I don't think she can accurately assess me when I can't properly explain myself. I know it's not her fault for giving suggestions based on the limited amount of information she had, but I'm frustrated and angry. Anyone who knows me well should know that it isn't just one or two little things that set me off like that in such a bad way. I am a strong, intelligent, and reasonable person, and I want her to see me that way too. I want her to know that I am trying to take all of her suggestions to heart.
It also seems like she forgets a lot of what I talk about, from week to week... She'll remember major points, but the subtleties of what I tell her always seem to get lost. She sees me when I'm bawling and baring my soul to her, but she does not know the part of me that I share with the rest of the world. The part of me that pretends I'm okay, and knows how to adjust my face into a smile when I know that a situation calls for it. For all she knows, I am weepy and terribly overwhelmed all the time, just because that's how I show up at her office usually.
I don't really know what to do about it.