I wouldn't change it. My life online is what keeps me sane sometimes, most particularly when I'm living with my parents like I am now. It's my only way of escaping. My friends are online. I have responsibilities here. "Jobs" that I do that make me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. Having the internet and being able to talk on it every day is a big part of why my mate and I made it through the four years of college when we were apart from each other. I love being able to use a computer every day. It's been a big part of my life ever since I was young.
But there are still days where I wish things could be different. Where I wish I was the kind of person who made friends easily and went out socializing at night. There are days when I get pissed off at people acting stupid on the internet even though they have nothing to do with me and there's no valid reason for me to care. There are days when I'm physically tired of just sitting here staring at a screen. There are days where I wish I could give all of this up, because I know it would free up a lot of my time to do other things I've been meaning to do.
And that's why I take time off every once in a while. Because if I ignore those feelings long enough, the very thing I do to escape from the stress of RL ends up stressing me out more.
But unfortunately... this week didn't go as well as I hoped. I guess I failed to remember that when I've taken "internet vacations" before, it's been during the past few years when I was living on my own at college. Where I had friends to visit and places I could go.
Shortly after starting the "vacation", I missed my friends. I missed talking to people. I remembered that the only people I come into contact with on a daily basis now are my parents. I was able to talk to my mate on the phone every day, but then I remembered how much I hate talking on the phone when I can't be alone to have a private conversation.
The first day, I had a fight with my parents while we were out eating at a restaurant. They made me so upset that I ended up hiding in the restroom crying for most of the time we were there. When we got home, all I wanted to do was come back here so that I could stop thinking about it, but I knew that if I came back to the forum, I'd never get myself to leave again.
The next two days were spent feeling extremely disappointed because one of the 3D companies I've applied to decided to jerk me around for the hell of it, I guess. Asking me if I could do some freelance work that weekend, and then never getting back to me about it whatsoever. Not even to tell me they were no longer interested... Nothing like having your hopes crushed.
Over the next few days, I played Assassins Creed (Brotherhood & Revelations), because escaping into games was better than dwelling on how crappy I was feeling. I beat both games, and I'm really enjoying the series. Revelations was fantastic. I'm looking forward to whatever sequel they come up with next. I also finished Batman Arkham City. That one was fun, too.
Other than that, I finished the book I was reading, spent some time with my mate, watched some movies/TV, and spent far too much time feeling miserable and stressed about my life in general. And today I'm working on my art commissions that I'd like to finish before I officially "return" to my usual amount of activity.
So... I dunno. I'm not entirely sure if I really feel better after being gone for a week. I feel better in some ways, but also worse in others. I don't know how to fix it.