I'm leaving the city to move back in with my parents. For those of you who don't know me well enough... Long story short, my parents and I don't get along. It is a terrible, terrifying thing to even think about having to live with them again. They try to control everything I do, judge me, tell me I'm useless, try to force their opinions and beliefs on me, and punish me for things that aren't my fault at all. My parents aren't all bad, of course... They have better moments, and they aren't physically abusive. The amount of emotional distress I went through while living with them though... I never wanted to deal with it again, and I was so happy when I was finally able to live on my own. I've never been homesick a day in my life since I moved away. I've only visited them every few months when I had to, and I could never stand to stay at their house for longer than a week. As soon as I step foot into that house, it's like this cloud comes down over me, and I can't escape it. I can't be myself, and I can't do what I want or need to do. And now I have to go back for an undetermined amount of time, and this time I'll have no apartment I can escape to when I'm about to lose my mind.
I have no other choice. None of my friends could take another roommate, nor could I afford to live here anymore because I have no job and what savings I had are almost gone. I've been sending out job applications, but haven't heard back from anyone yet.
And just to add insult to injury... I feel like my friends don't even care about me or the fact that I'm leaving. The friends I've made at my university have been quite close to me. We've worked together in the same classes for 2-3 years every day. They mean a lot to me, so of course I've wanted to see them again before I move. THEY sent ME a message telling me they wanted to see me, because they knew I'd be moving. Then whenever I try to get together with them, they either don't respond to me at all, or they make other plans entirely. Like, what the heck. I know they care about me as a friend too, and yet they're putting in zero effort at all to see me before I move away. I am sick and tired of having to chase them down and force them just to hang out with me. You'd think I was asking them to give me a kidney.
I have less than a week now before I move. I've been putting off packing because I know it's going to feel more "final" and therefore make me even more upset than I already am about all this... but I'm going to have to start at some point. I've been trying to find the positive things in the situation, but... I'm moving back to the one place I never wanted to move back to, and the people I considered friends have severely let me down. If it wasn't for my boyfriend and my online friends, I might just lose my mind completely.