I've been crying off and on the past four days, and that will probably continue the rest of the week.
Her gums have been severely inflamed for about the past six months. I got her teeth cleaned four months ago and the vet said they might have to pull teeth. Since then, I changed vets and have been taking her for a check-up about once every two weeks. We've tried three or four different medicines trying to make her gums heal, but they won't.
She didn't do so well when she went to have her teeth cleaned. The vet told me that when they gave her the anesthesia, "her heart wanted to stop." It had been up to me to decide whether to remove the teeth back then or to try other methods. But here we are, four months later, and she has to go back into surgery.
It's tearing me apart, knowing that this could possibly be my last week with her. She's only six years old. She's still a young and happy cat. I can't bear to think of what I may do or feel if she doesn't make it through surgery. With the exception of Kevin, there is nothing or no one that I love more in this world than Joy. She makes me laugh, she comforts me, and she keeps me company when I feel alone.
I am trying to stay optimistic, but even the vet is nervous. I had to stand in the clinic and listen to him tell me that he couldn't guarantee my cat would survive it.
I am trying to treat each day now as if it is her last, just in case. Every moment I spend with her I am committing to memory. I am spending a few extra minutes with her curled up in bed in the morning. I encourage her to sleep in my lap while I gently massage her body and stroke her fur. When Kevin was here last weekend, we were playing with her on my bed, using her small blue puff ball toy. She was being incredibly silly and cute and making us laugh. I started crying because I knew that would be something I'd miss if she was gone.
And if feeling this way wasn't already hell enough, even in the best case scenario, where Joy survives and heals perfectly fine afterward, I'm going to be stuck with a vet bill that I can't really afford. A quarter of what little money I have left will be gone.
I don't know what to do. I am going to be a nervous wreck this week. Here's hoping that this will be the worst of it.