No one finds me attractive. I could never trust anyone who says they do. I don't find myself attractive.
I'm covered in lumpy rolls of fat. My face is obscured by blotches of acne that seems to multiply every time I look in a mirror. My hair is untamed. I have circles under my eyes. I look tired and worn out all the time. I'm dirty and unhygienic. I can't stand to show my naked body to anyone. I have nothing to be proud of.
And I don't have the willpower to change any of it, after all the times I've tried.
Why can't I stop eating? I hate myself more with every piece of food I shove in my mouth...
I guess it's therapeutic, in a way. Like when I used to cut myself. Maybe... no. I don't know. Maybe if I cut myself again, I wouldn't have to use food as my crutch. Scars are less disfiguring to me than this blubber I have.
...Would that be so terrible?...