It was an online relationship; I was 15. He asked me out in October. I liked him a lot. We'd spend hours talking online, and he shared a number of my interests, including YuGiOh. I got to talk to him on the phone a few times when my parents weren't around. I went out with him for three months, but in December I found out he was cheating on me with someone in real life. He and I both used Xanga as a journal back then, and I came across the other girl's journal. It described a romantic night they had had together. To make matters worse, after we broke up, Brian would try to manipulate me into getting back together with him. He was depressed and would threaten suicide if I left him. Feeling trapped, I lied to him for a long time, telling him I would think about it, but we eventually stopped talking and I can only assume he moved on.
Second was Keith.
Kevin introduced me to him. They both seemed to like me, but Keith asked me out first. He was sweet to me, and we went out for a week. Then he randomly stopped talking to me for a few days. When I finally got him to talk to me, and I asked what happened, he told me he wasn't interested and to go out with Kevin because his feelings for me were real. My entire relationship with Keith turned out to be a joke, and the first time Keith met me in real life, he later said to Kevin, "God, she's ugly." Fuck you, Keith. I've hated him ever since. He tried to apologize to me years later, because he still wanted to be friends with Kevin. I told him I could forgive him but that didn't mean I wouldn't stop disliking him.
Kevin and I got together a while later, between the time when Keith and I broke up but before I moved to Florida. I didn't want to jump into a relationship with Kevin right after Keith, so I took some time to think about it. At the time... I never felt head-over-heels for Kevin. I liked him, definitely, but I never felt that initial rush of "OMG I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM" like I did with most people I had a crush on. Maybe that was a good thing, because my feelings for him grew stronger instead of fading. I'm not really sure.
Although none of these were ever quite "official"...
There was Chris.
I had known Chris in Ohio; I went to church with him. We knew each other for a few years, but I never had the guts to ask him out and he didn't seem to like me as far as I could tell. He was also a year younger than me. It was shortly after I moved... we were talking about relationships, and he and I both ended up confessing feelings for each other. I had the "OMG I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM" feelings with Chris, and... regretfully so... had almost decided to leave Kevin for him. Chris was very passionate about his feelings for me, and we knew each other well. Sparks flew. Chris gave me support in my religious faith that I felt like I could have used at the time. He understood me. When I went back to Ohio a couple times to visit, I was able to be with him in real life, knowing our feelings for each other. We never kissed (probably would have, but he wanted his first kiss to be at his wedding), but he hugged me, and I still remember what his arms felt like around me. He was so much taller than me - it was different from hugging Kevin. We would spend days playing video games curled up against each other on the couch.
But despite all that... Chris was kind of a jerk. He was kind to me, but not to others. He was an asshole to Nick, and Nick was not very happy with me for not calling him out on it. If anything, that's probably what I regret the most about Chris, because Nick should have been more important to me. But... you live and learn. In the end, Chris decided to stop talking to me, much like Keith did. When I asked him what was going on, he told me he just wasn't interested anymore. I found it hard to believe, that we could love each other one day and then the next he could feel nothing for me. I still don't really know how that happened, but... it was for the best. He grew up to be a pastor with a beard I can't stand, and he's now married someone else. I grew up to turn atheist, accept bisexuality, and fall in love with a man much kinder than he ever was. It took me a long time to get over Chris, but I am very grateful that I didn't make the mistake of leaving Kevin. I told Kevin about Chris, and he forgave me.
There was also Kezi - Shawna.
My lesbian Canadian friend. I knew her for a few years, and we eventually met up at an Emilie Autumn concert in Burlington, ON. It was one of the most magical weekends of my life. Kezi and I "clicked" immediately. Although I didn't have a crush on her at the time, she had some feelings for me, and I felt so comfortable around her. In the cold rain outside the club while we waited for the concert to start, we held each other to keep warm. Everything about her was soft and comforting. I only had two days with her, but they were memorable. After coming back home, she and I continued to talk online. Around the summer of 2011, she and I started to entertain the idea of entering a sort of relationship. It was the first time I had ever considered a poly relationship. I had no intention of leaving Kevin, I made that clear, but I liked her, she liked me, and Kevin knew how I felt. He gave me permission to explore my relationship with Kezi. Kezi really wanted someone in real life, however, and I agreed that if she ever met someone she could be with in real life, I would leave her to it. She and I then started planting the seeds for a more romantic relationship... we would flirt with each other and talk about what we would do if we had a chance to be together for real. We made plans for her to visit me soon.
And then Kezi ended up disappearing for a month. I didn't hear from her. The days we had planned on getting together came and went without a word. When I finally heard from her again, it turned out she had gotten into a tough situation with a roommate and had been unable to contact me. She was frightened for her life and not doing well. I called her... to hear her voice, to comfort her. We talked for a while. She eventually got out of her situation and soon afterward was able to talk to me via webcam. We spent a few days talking that way, and online. Self consciously, I would sometimes dress myself up for her with makeup and everything when I would video chat with her. She called me out on it, and she made me laugh.
It was maybe a month or so after she came back to me... she met someone else. At first Kezi would tell me that the girl was just a friend. That she was straight and was not a romantic interest... But I could hear something underneath Kezi's words that told me otherwise. I knew the truth without her having to say it. I wish she'd just been honest with me. It was a week or two later that Kezi told me she had slept with the other girl, that they were together now. It hurt, but at the same time I did feel happy that Kezi found someone. I backed off from our romantic relationship, and we continued to talk as friends after that.
Unfortunately... I'm afraid I've lost Kezi as a friend now. And I don't even know if I'm okay with that or not. Kezi's new girlfriend was bisexual... and they would sometimes have issues over the fact that the girl was more interested in guys. Kezi would come to me and rant about how "bisexual girls do nothing but break your heart", and how nobody ever seemed to want her for anything but sex; how nobody wanted to claim her as a girlfriend in public. I have no idea if she was talking about me or just her girl or if she at all realized that she offended me. But those conversations hurt much worse than it ever did to lose her to another girl. I wanted to call her a liar... to tell her that I would have done differently if I had only been given the chance. I never just wanted her for sex. I wanted her as a girlfriend. I would have gladly, gladly have taken her out and not been afraid to show her off as my girlfriend in public. If anything, she was the one who wanted to keep things not too serious between us. She was the one who was very clearly willing to leave me at a moment's notice. And I don't blame her for that, but she has no right to accuse me of something I never felt for a second.
I still can't decide if I want to talk to Kezi again since that, and I often have to see pictures of her with her girlfriend up on facebook. It's good she's happy, but I can't help feeling bitter over how she took her anger out on me. Maybe it's worth talking to her again... I don' know.